“You know, I don’t want to be like this, too. I’m trying, and I know some people haven’t seen me do that. Because sometimes it’s not visible to anyone.” he said. “I wanted to be so in love with life that I will have no more time to overthink about what will come next. I wanted to have a clear mind that there’s no more chance for me to worry about anything.” he almost laughed, then continued, “I mean, who would never want that?”.
Embrace that identity that you are an ‘exerciser’; you love it. Internal reference is more important than external reference.
Exercise because you WANT to; not because you HAVE to. In that way, it’s easier to sustain.
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2 years ago
I am still feeling so upset and so easily irritated. I don’t know whether it’s like due to the medications or like due to the diet or what. Anyway, I am going on pretty strong (lol) about the exercise. I hope i can keep to this regime.
I am only going to take one day break - either Saturday or Sunday. Not sure if I really want to go out and theres no news from anyone yet so lets just assume that there isn’t any outing. That’s better. I can just stick to food that I am familiar with instead of venturing out to other food that I am not familiar and not comfortable with.
Sigh what a way to start 2022 right
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2 years ago
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2 years ago
693
I pray everyday and I know deep down that my sister doesn’t have an eating disorder and she is taking care of herself by eating her meals. She will definitely eat all her meals without fear, without caring about the nutritional profile of her dietary intake and without compensating in any way or another.
She hates ED for robbing her of the happy family we once had or rather, we once were. So, she will never ever step into ED.
Furthermore, she’s attached now and if she doesn’t love herself, how could she even love someone and additionally, her boyfriend’s love language is TOUCH. Should she feel uncomfortable and unconfident of herself in her own body, she wouldn’t welcome any hugs or any touch from her boyfriend isn’t it. But they are already blissfully attached and they go on fun and celebratory dates together, going cafe hopping or hiking all in the name of love and leisure.
Why can’t I just let go of that comparison?
I know that she will eat her meals and even gain weight without fear because she don’t peg her self worth or her identity to her weight. Food is nothing but sustenance for her life and another binding tool for her to make more friends and bond over with her loved ones.
She doesn’t see food the disordered way I see them. She sees it just like anybody on the street. They view food as food, not numbers, not macros, not minutes on the treadmill, not binge-trigger food, not sick food, not healthy food. It’s just pure food.
She will never have ED, she just loves food and love herself too much to even want to go near to ED.
She hates ED to the core and that includes any ED-related activities (restricting, exercising, purging).
AMEN.
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2 years ago
I wonder if anyone would care should I drop dead and vanish from this world.
Would anyone tear? Would anyone feel upset? Would anyone’s lives be affected?
I am pretty sure that there will be celebrations, there will be reconciliations, there will be happiness exuding out of everyone’s lives.
Everyone wish that I could vanish and disappear from their lives. I am nothing but a pest and an annoyance to them.
“People aren’t always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better.”
— Chloe Rattray
But what if you keep hoping and keep expecting but they consistently disappoint you? Isn’t it better and easier to just self-isolate so that you won’t feel disappointed?
“I didn’t realize there was a ranking.“ I said. Sadie frowned. “What do you mean?” “A ranking,” I said. “You know, what’s crazier than what.” “Oh, sure there is,” Sadie said. She sat back in her chair. “First you have your generic depressives. They’re a dime a dozen and usually pretty boring. Then you’ve got the bulimics and the anorexics. They’re slightly more interesting, although usually they’re just girls with nothing better to do. Then you start getting into the good stuff: the arsonists, the schizophrenics, the manic-depressives. You can never quite tell what those will do. And then you’ve got the junkies. They’re completely tragic, because chances are they’re just going to go right back on the stuff when they’re out of here.” “So junkies are at the top of the crazy chain,” I said. Sadie shook her head. “Suicides are.” I looked at her. “Why?” “Anyone can be crazy,” she answered. “That’s usually just because there’s something screwed up in your wiring, you know? But suicide is a whole different thing. I mean, how much do you have to hate yourself to want to just wipe yourself out?”
— Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes
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2 years ago
9
Honestly feeling very sick and tired of being used by my father time and again. It’s so tiring. Every time he is in a good mood, he will just talk to me so nicely. When things turn ugly (e.g. in a bad mood because of work or because of some unresolved family issues or perhaps inability to smoke in front of me), he just lashes out at me.
My mom is away because she’s on a cruise. She left on Wednesday afternoon and will be coming back home tomorrow. My dad told me that we would have to settle our dinner outside because my mother will be returning home and probably going to sleep since she would want to catch up on her sleep or prolly do some housework (e.g. wash clothing).
I told him that he can settle dinner with her then since it’s explicit that he put it across because he believes that I will handle myself. All the more I should and want to restrict and just not even eat and starve. I want that attention I used to receive because I was scrawny because I was sick.
I don’t like the current style where they all believe that I would eat on my own and basically just leaving me to my own devices. It suck because it makes me feel that I failed my task/mission of keeping myself pure and sane.
Thankful to have this slimming pill now but I am not sure how long i can keep up with this before my metabolism will adapt to the medication. Would it adapt?
“His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.”
